I am a bit worried. All I seem to write about right now is fear.
Every time I write a book, I am afraid.
Not only do I fear that what I write won't be as good as the last thing, but I fear that it won't be any good at all. I fear these things because they are true and real things to be afraid of. I know this because I have written things that are "not as good" as the last thing, and indeed, I have written things that I could not make come together...things that were not "any good at all."
And when that happens, I am going to be honest, it stinks. I want to always be improving upon myself, my goal is always to get better--not worse! And yet...it happens.
And I wish it didn't.
There is no guarantee that when you sit down to write, something magical will happen. There is never a guarantee. And since this is the case, it might seem like too much of a gamble, or even a waste of time.
And you never know until it's too late. You never know until the time, the toil, the sweat, and the tears have been spent if what you have poured your soul into is very good.
I know I am not alone in knowing this, but it still feels lonely. Perhaps the loneliest time in a writer's life is facing the fear, head on. Because really, even if you have a crit group, you are always battling the monster alone. You use your own hands to pick up the sword and you take those tentative steps in your own shoes...
And I am writing this as much to myself as to anyone who reads this. The fear is always there, but we cannot let it cripple us. We cannot let it determine if a book gets written or not.
We have to be brave and try, even though we know that the battle might end in some seriously-not-good-stuff. Better that than a blank page, I say.